well, i have done alot of thinking/talking/skateboarding and i have come to realize that i have no idea about anything in the world. i saw a man sitting outside of walmart one day holding a sign that said "anything please" he was a very out of his luck man with dirt on his face and an unruly beard. i felt guilty getting into the driving lane by him. it got me thinking how can you let your life get so out of control that you lose everything or does it get to everyone but only a select few let it take over their life. what would it feel like to know that you have no one out there to count on, abandoned by your family and friends and forced to swallow your pride and sit outside a populated store and count on the kindness of others. i have no idea what i will be doing in ten years i dont even have a clue as to what i will be doing in a year. i was also thinking about how can something have so much power over that you would do anything for. not drugs. just something you care for so much but it goes to shit, what do you do, keep on trying or live and let die. skateboarding has been good to me but its almost like i cannot go anywhere with a skateboard without being harassed by police or jackass people. i bought a laptop it was my first major purchase from having a job. working sucks. i get the feeling like i wish i was going to be in highschool next year so i would not have to worry about the real world and shit like that but i have to take what i have. but what i have is a confused/scared feeling about what i will be doing for the rest of my life and how i will be getting there. my friends have been good to me but there is still a piece of my life missing right now. i'm not sure what it is but i just cannot get into summer until i have it. i have an idea about what it might be, but if it is that i will have a hard time finding it. its weird to be done with highschool but at the same time it is refreshing to be starting over.
